Brothers of a Coin

Written by Steve Alerhand

He's rich, he's powerful, and he's got a budget even Bill Gates dreams of. But he's also rich, he's also powerful, and has a payroll that dwarfs developing peoples around the globe.

These two men are symbolized by the fierce hatred that permeates the very blood of their respective rivals, down to the microscopic capillaries that filter into the webbings of Stephen Jackson's brain. Every man, beast, and living creature aspires to rip out their heart, tuck rule it in into the ground, and attack that very heart with the ferocity and rage of a Ron Artest in shackles a la Hannibal Lecter. Hello Clarisse. Ron!

But alas, the common peasant asks why this is so? Do these men not celebrate the stars and stripes like we do? Yes. Do they not live in the capitalistic society we call our own? Yes. So where is the ill doing in their free-spending ways? Where is the left turn off the Hightstown Road of charity? My friend, my poor naive friend, by the fair locks of the Princess of Wales you merely graze at the cinderblocks of truth.

For there are some, only a few, who swear loyalty to these men. By their staunch support and sheep-like obedience, they alone allow the aforementioned men to remain in power. They call themselves Republicans, they call themselves Yankee fans.

Ladies and gentlemen. One rules over the global forum as we know it, hated by every other nation in this planet we inhabit, speaking made-up words and misprounounced drawls like Jerry Jones after a third face-lift. A President George W. Bush.

The other rules over the American League with an iron fist reminiscient of the Pharaohs of Egypt, dispersing checks left and right and in all directions, looming as a constant spectre over the establishment known to the bourgeoisie as 'free agency.' A Mr. George Steinbrenner.

Now what, I ask you, what indeed separates these two Goliaths of coin, these Lords of the check, the Scorned of the honest man?

And more relevant, my friends, what would come of it if this Mr. Steinbrenner, Boss of Bosses, presided over our great nation? Just think, just think...what would happen if this were the case.

Would he buy every nuclear weapon around the world? Would he import the top Japanese and Cuban nuclear scientists to our facilities? Would he call Castro a 'fat, pussy toad?' Would he wear a turleneck?

I don't know. I can only speculate. Stay tuned.